


Baby Mine

by HannahBoBannah



Category: Mad Men
Genre: F/M, Infant Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 23:26:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13774830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannahBoBannah/pseuds/HannahBoBannah
Summary: A sequel to Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby... Peggy decides to find her son





	Baby Mine

The decision to find him had not easily been made. It had been thirteen years since his birth and both of his parents had moved on with their lives. Pete was happy with Trudy and his children, and Peggy had been married to Stan for a little over a year. They had just discovered that they were pregnant with their first child and while it should have been a time of happiness for them both, Peggy couldn’t help but feel a twinge of regret. She had a son living out in the world without her and no matter how many times she told herself that he was better off without her, she couldn’t help but wonder if this was true. The State of New York believed so, as did her family, but she wasn’t so sure. The moment she brought him into the world he was hers. It was her job to protect him, to make sure he had every opportunity to succeed, to love him wholeheartedly and never let him down; but all of this was stolen from her.

Stan had been the one to put the idea in her head. He had found her crying in her office, nursing a scotch in her clammy hands as she blew a large cloud of smoke into the atmosphere. Knowing her well, he didn’t immediately spring into action to console her and instead strolled calmly into her office to sit on the couch beside her. All day he had had the feeling that something was wrong, but every time he saw her she had put on a reassuring smile and promised that she was okay, just a little nauseous. Having never had a child before, Stan trusted her word on this and gave her the space she required to get through her busy day; but the feeling never went away, and seeing her crying alone gave him all the information he needed.

“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?” he had asked her, a knowing look in his eyes. The day her doctor had given them the good news was the same day he asked about her first pregnancy. They had been married for a year and he still didn’t know anything about her son, other than the fact that she missed him every day of her life. As they laid in bed together, his arms wrapped around her petite body and her head resting upon his chest, she told him everything and he finally understood.

“I think about him every day Stan, you know that” she sighed and lifted the glass to her lips.

“I know, but this time is different.” This caused her to look at him for the first time, her brow creased with a deep frown that she usually reserved for those who truly displeased her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you blame yourself for what happened, and I think it’s time we do something about it.” Her frown softened, but her lips remained pursed as she placed the glass down and put out her cigarette. Usually he would remain tight lipped while she spoke about her son, scared that she might interpret his thoughts as criticism; but it had reached a point where he couldn’t let her wallow in her sadness anymore. He had to say something or else her heart could never truly heal.

“What are you suggesting?” her voice was soft but curious and he knew that this was a good sign.

“Well, we could go to the same hospital you gave birth at and demand to know where he is.”

“That seems a bit extreme don’t you think?” she offered in response, discomfort clear in her eyes.

“No. They locked you up for no good reason and gave your son away without your permission. I think asking for his whereabouts is pretty reasonable considering everything they put you through.” Tears began to well in her eyes again, and this time Stan reached out to hold her hand. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to”

“It’s not that” she cried, wiping at her wet cheeks with the back of her hand.

“Than what is it?” Stan asked carefully, making sure not to upset her any further. She was his lover after all, and it was his duty to make sure that no matter how awful the world around her may seem, she was always happy.

“What if he doesn’t want me to find him?" she paused "What if he hates me? I don’t think I could live with myself if he hates me”

“It’s not your fault.” She nodded with a soft smile on her lips, but he didn’t buy it. Peggy was in the persuasion business after all and could convince anyone of anything. “Listen, why don’t we take it a step at a time. Tomorrow morning before work we can stop in at the hospital and find out where he is. If you want to follow through and see him, we can call in sick and I’ll take you to be wherever he is; and if not, we can continue to live the rest of our lives knowing that he’s just a phone call away.”

She was quiet beside him and it took her a while to respond, but he wasn’t mad or impatient. There was thirteen years of pent up pain inside of her heart and he understood that she was reluctant to set it free, because as long as it was there it would be impossible to forget him, even for a second.

The following morning she had woken him up before their alarm, determination in her eyes as she sat beside him in the bed they shared. She told him that she wanted to do it, she wanted to find her son, and a warm smile broke onto her lips as she leaned in to kiss him.

“Thank you” she grinned, a new-found confidence in her voice as she snuggled into his warm, comforting embrace. They stayed this way until Stan’s alarm clock sounded on the bedside table.

Their morning routine passed by much quicker than usual, and as Peggy applied her makeup Stan held their telephone to her ear. Before leaving the house she needed to call her secretary and cancel her meetings for that morning. It was uncertain how long they would be out of the office, and she felt that it was best to be safe rather than sorry, regardless of the fact that Don would be miffed about the cancellation of their Coca Cola team meeting.

Once dressed, the couple left their home and immediately drove to the hospital. They sat in the car park for a short while, hand in hand as she emotionally prepared for the memories she had long since left behind to hit her hard and fast like a train. It had been so long since she thought of the torturous months she had spent in the hospitals psych ward, and the memories of what she endured brought tears to her eyes.

“We don’t have to do this today” Stan offered in a comforting voice, but Peggy shook her head and released his hand.

“If I don’t do it now I’ll never do it”

Before he could respond she had stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut behind her. As he followed her lead, she strode confidently towards the hospital, her steps heavy and her shoulders tight. She truly wasn’t ready, and Stan knew this, but when Peggy set her mind to something she wouldn’t quit until it was complete. So, they entered the hospital, hands clasped tightly together and hearts longing to discover the truth.

It took over an hour for the head nurse to track down the Doctor who had signed Peggy’s life away, and a further fifteen minutes before they could see him in his office upstairs. She shook with nerves the entire time, but Stan’s warm hand on the small of her back and his easy humor kept her calm as they sat in the waiting room. He would tell her jokes and make small talk, allowing her to breath through the nerves and take her time to respond to his words. With every soft laugh that escaped her lips her nerves subsided, and she knew that she could never have done this without him.

“Mr. and Mrs. Rizzo?” This alone undid all of the work Stan had done. The man’s voice triggered memories of leather restraints chaffing her skin as she tried to avoid another injection of tranquillizers that put her in such a lucid state that her Doctor could do whatever he pleased. Stan watched as she subconsciously recoiled and rubbed at her wrists, a sadness in her eyes that he had never seen before.

“Thanks for seeing us on such short notice” Stan spoke, taking the lead as he and Peggy entered the man’s office. Once again, he placed his hand on the small of her back and offered a comforting smile before pulling out her chair.

Smiling, the Doctor sat at the desk across from them. “What can I do for you today?”

Stan turned to Peggy, gaging the situation before realizing that in her current state of mind she needed him to speak on her behalf. This was something he had never done before because she had always been the stronger one in their relationship and it made him angry to know that this man could put her in such a vulnerable state. He loved her so much that he would do anything to protect her.

“Thirteen years ago, you delivered my wife’s baby.” A look of familiarity overcame the Doctor’s face, but it was clear to both Peggy and Stan that he couldn’t quite place her. “And then you committed her to a psych ward and put her son up for adoption.”

This was what made him remember.

“Yes.” Was all he said before clasping his hands together on the desk, eyes glued to Peggy who was unable to even look at him.

“So, you remember?”

“Of course, Ms. Olson was with us for a number of months. I believe we did some much-needed work to rehabilitate her and prepare her to resume life in the wider community.”

“Did you now?” Stan began, completely enraged by the man’s blasé attitude toward the horror he had put Peggy through. If it weren’t for the soft touch of his wife’s hand on his shoulder and the sad smile on her lips he would have beaten the man to a pulp; but he knew that this wouldn’t solve anything.

“I just want to know if you can provide us with any information in regards to my son’s whereabouts.” Peggy said softly, her words laced with sadness as she stared the Doctor in the eyes, pleading with him to help her after everything he had put her through.

“In most cases like yours once a child is adopted out we cannot provide the biological parents with any information. This is for the child’s protection.” The small flicker of hope that had ignited within her that morning was beginning to fizzle out. A part of her had always known that she would never see him again, but Stan had given her hope and she loved him dearly for it, even if it had only led to disappointment. “However,” this one word changed everything.

Peggy and Stan were practically on the edge of their seats as they waited for the Doctor to continue. The enticement of knowing where her son was, and the excitement that bubbled within her blinded Peggy to the utter sadness in the man’s eyes as his speech paused and he called for his secretary to collect a particular file from the records room. A short, blonde woman entered the office shortly after with a slim folder in her hands. She grinned politely at Stan and Peggy before excusing herself and closing the heavy door behind her.

“Well…” Peggy asked, completely on edge as the Doctor flicked open the folder.

“Your son was in the system for about a month before…” his sentence trailed off and Stan began to understand why as he finally focused on the devastated look in the mans eyes. But Peggy was full of hope as she leaned forward in her seat, letting go of her husband’s hand as she gripped the arms of her chair.

“Before what?”

“What I’m trying to explain is that your son was partially through the adoption process when he passed away.” There was a loud ringing in her ears as her head spun and a nauseous feeling overcame her. Without warning she keeled over and threw up her breakfast into the Doctor’s wastepaper bin, one hand on her stomach as the other gripped the edge of his desk, her knuckles completely white and the tips of her fingers a bright read. Stan rubbed her back soothingly as tears began to stain her cheeks and her heart pounded heavily in her chest.

The news felt like a million shards of glass piercing her body; it felt like the Doctor had ripped open a wound that had never quite healed and stuck his dirty fingers straight into her chest to rip out her still beating heart. A part of her died as the words left his lips and there wasn’t much more she could take.

“This is too much.” Was all she managed to say before leaving the office, a hand clasped over her mouth as she fought back her tears.

Stan had called McCann Erickson for them both, refusing to allow her to go into work no matter how much she exclaimed that it was what she wanted. Once he had gotten her home she had slipped off her clothes and climbed straight into bed, certain that sleep was all she needed to remedy her sadness. But once she was under the covers it was impossible for her brain to stop screaming. She wondered if his death was her fault, because she drank and smoked the whole time he was inside of her and she hadn’t stopped taking the pill even after he was born. Her mother had always told her that babies were fragile, and you had to take good care of them, especially while they were still in utero. But it was a news story she had watched that night with Stan that really had her worried. It was about the discovery of fetal alcohol syndrome and the effects of drugs and alcohol on babies. They had talked about it endlessly and decided that they would both give up their vices for their little ray of sunshine because that baby was more important to them than anything else in the world. But now that news story felt like a precursor for the tragic truth of her son’s fate and she couldn’t help but blame herself.

Lying under the covers, she held her hands to her flat stomach. If it weren’t for the missed period and two very exciting doctor’s visits she would never know that a little person was growing inside of her. Their baby was still so small that it was easy to conceal their exciting secret until they were both prepared to share the news with their friends and family. But thinking of telling anyone about their child felt so wrong when there were very few people who knew of her son. It was her deepest secret and as the fragility of life began to sink in, she wasn’t sure why anymore.

“I’m going to protect you, little one” she whispered, her hands caressing the bare skin of her stomach. The tears that slipped down her cheeks like silk began to dry as she finally fell into a deep sleep. She dreamt about her son that night, remembering the first time he lay on her chest and stretched out his arms. His eyes were the brightest blue she had ever seen, and she yearned to hold him in her arms once more; but their time together was cut short when Stan shook her awake, concern in his eyes.

“You were screaming” he cried, terror in his voice as his tear drops splashed onto her cheek and mixed with her own. Peggy didn’t want to explain why and instead of talking she wrapped her arms around his torso and pulled him into her tight embrace. He always made her feel safe.

“I’m sorry for scaring you” she whispered into his ear.

“Don’t be sorry.” He paused “I love you”

“I love you too”

The months passed by quickly and she did everything she could to protect her child. She hadn’t touched a cigarette or drank even a drop of alcohol in months and even began eating healthier options, unlike Stan who couldn’t quite give up Burger Chef and crisps. But they went through it all together and when the day of their daughter’s birth arrived, Peggy felt ready. She had done everything she could to give her daughter a fighting chance, and as they placed the tiny girl onto her bare chest it felt different to the first time. Stan stood beside her, a wide grin on his lips as he reached out to caress their daughters soft, pink cheek. Just having him there made it all a bit less scary.

“She’s beautiful” he mumbled before placing a soft kiss to the top of Peggy’s head. The small girl squirmed against her mother’s chest and reached out her arms into a big stretch, yawning as her eyelids fluttered open to reveal the same beautiful blue Peggy had seen almost fourteen years ago. She wanted to cry, but her body refused, and she felt overwhelmed with guilt for a fleeting moment.

It was impossible to cry when she was so happy.


End file.
